I hate the fear i saw in his eyes

I hate the fear i saw in his eyes! i innocently stopped to pick the two young guys up to drive them the last two blocks to the school, but i was the one who got the surprise. i pulled up in my dirty white buick, and opened the window, leaned over, and said, “get in, i will drive you the rest of the way.” they were taking a shortcut across the church parking lot, and the awful winter conditions caused them to walk with their faces down and their shoulders hunched over. i leaned over to open the door, and one of the young guys moved away from the car, and looked up. we made eye contact, and i saw fear in his eyes. i was shocked to see that fear, and realized that he was seeing the situation much differently than i was.

to make him feel more comfortable, i laughed and said, “i am the preacher here in this church, and i know your dad, he was walking your bike home the other day when you had a flat tire.” with that bit of personal information, they quietly got in, and very respectfully thanked me. i laughed with them, and said, “ i don’t blame you for being careful, i know i look like a red-neck (which i am!) and i am glad you trusted me enough to let me drive you to school.”

why were they afraid? my size? i admit only to out-weighing both of them, combined. my age? i also admit to being three times their combined age. ok, four times. i didn’t lie, i am just bad at math. my race? we were different racially, and my own particular race hasn’t endeared itself to folks of his race. it was probably a combination of all these which made them fear that my motives were bad.


i have to admit that i am not used to seeing fear when i look at people. once only, with each one of my children, did i see them thinking that my size and my anger would win over my gentle ways to cause them real pain because of their acts of disobedience. the weird thing is, i can remember that moment for each child with a clarity that proves that i knew they were afraid in a very unhealthy way! for two of them, it involved driving incidents, where i was literally afraid for their safety. for one it was the cowering in the corner incident with hands over the face, as though i would hit him. i nearly laughed when this happened, because our “adventures in corporal punishment” had not gone too far, since for all three children this wasn’t the best way to punish.

i haven’t inspired fear in people very often, and i hate it. fear is so unproductive. i refuse to let people call me “reverend” because it is a throw back to times when the “clergy” were to be respected in a nearly fearful way. The background on the word reverend is instructive here. it is used only once, in the whole bible, in Psalms 111:9 “He sent redemption unto his people: he hath commanded his covenant for ever: holy and reverend is his name.” i find it interesting that this word is used by religious people as a title for those who serve Him, when it clearly says that holy and reverend is HIS name, not ours... but i digress, all to easily i am afraid.

fear. i am sorry LORD, i should fear you more, i should relieve fear in those who are controlled by fear, and i should work to conquer fear in all who are unable to make eye contact without fear. Lord conquer my fear so i can help those who are also controlled by fear.

my friend Brian just walked into my office and said, “Fear is a powerful motivator. i wouldn’t get in a car with you either. you look like one of those KKK guys.” So much for looks!