three boys with out hope

Lord, it was tough to try to help the three boys, tough for me to help them, but even tougher for them to go through the day. Will you please love them, and help them, and give them strength today, they are doing things that no boys should ever be called to do. I call them boys, even though they are all “20-something” in age, two of the three have children, and all three have significant others in their lives. The fluidity of their relationships made it tougher for them to cope with the fact that they were burying their suicidal dad, who was younger than me when he chose to end his life in a very violent way. The closed casket was necessary because he chose an end to his life that robbed them from saying good-bye and from getting a last glimpse at the one who was a father, at least biologically, if not truly a dad in the best sense of the word.

What would it take to hate life enough to make this drastic choice? What can be said to give any hope to those who survive? What do we say about people who choose to leave the world this way? These tough questions will have to wait for answers, which are hardly more than dogmatic interpretations of a few bible verses quoted out of context. Some find meaning in some verses such as “greater love has no one than to lay down his life...” and “Anyone who destroys his body destroys the temple of the holy spirit” and others like these.

I am reading a book suggested by my neighbor that tries to prove that everyone goes to Heaven, even the “Hitler’s” of the world, because of God’s grace and love. Whether or not you repent, or even know who God is, you are assured of a place in heaven because of God’s inability to be less than loving and gracious, when the authors of the book define these words. All i can say is, i wish to goodness it were true, but am so glad that it can’t be true. Everyone has to have the freedom to choose to reject God or no one is free to choose to worship Him. Choice by God and by his creation is -i think- an absolutely essential part of this process. By including us in His equation, God is giving us the greatest compliment i can imagine, but by giving us this freedom, He is also making it necessary to make personal choices, which lead to eternal consequences.

Anyway, LORD, the feeling i had was nothing like the level of caring you have for us every day. No one hurts more than you when your children reject your hope, your grace, and your love. Without these, the possibility of peace is hopelessly absent. Tonight i will struggle with my inability to sleep, with images of those young men huddled together, shaking with grief, surrounded boy fellow mourners without a good word to share.

What did i actually do to try to help? I told about my dad dying, and how this prepared me to help others who have lost a parent. Why? Because now i have left behind the theoretical discussions of youth, the empty promise of hope based on theory, not based on shared experience and scripture. I quoted John 14:1-6, where Jesus said “Don’t let your hearts be troubled, ... believe in ME... I am the way, the truth, and the Life.” Whether it helped or not, i felt that a few words of truth were essential to helping these guys to get past this day.